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WAYNESBORO Over his 45 years, Ronald North has known perhaps 15 people who died by suicide. For him it was not something extraordinary.
That changed three years ago. The Waynesboro man\’s partner died by suicide, sending North into a tailspin. He had already struggled with depression for most of his life. He was now going through complicated grief, defined by the Mayo Clinic as feelings of loss that are debilitating and don\’t improve over time.
North was able to find help in the form of his work with the Virginia chapter of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. He currently serves as a board member and LGBTQ ambassador for the chapter. Not only did the foundation connect him to a community of people who understand him, but it also helped North accept himself.
It hasn\’t always been easy.
North knows he is gay from a young age. He described his father as homophobic, saying he allegedly told North, using very vulgar terms, that he couldn\’t wait for his son to have sex, so he knew he wasn\’t gay. North was 13 at the time, not even with his family. Those comments still stick with North.
He came out to his mom around that time and she told him it was probably a phase. Shortly thereafter, her mother developed epilepsy and suffered a seizure, and North thought he had caused her health problems by telling her she was gay. He said the guilt was terrible, so he told his mother she was right, it was just a phase.
Midway through his senior year of high school, North attempted suicide. He planned to attend college to study athletic training, even had a scholarship offer, but fell behind in his studies due to a suicide attempt and subsequent hospitalization. He didn\’t graduate until summer school and lost his scholarship.
In 1997, his senior year in high school, North dated again, this time not just with his mother, but publicly. For the most part, he said, his classmates accepted him.
Life didn\’t get easier though. North attempted suicide twice more. When he and his partner met, they often spoke about the need to remove the stigma from talking about mental health struggles, especially in the LGBTQ community.
North had been with his partner, who he didn\’t want to identify, for nearly seven years. Her partner has spoken out about her mental health issues, saying she suffered from depression. North spoke about her issues, which included addiction. She helped.
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According to the National Alliance of Mental Illness (NAMI), LGB adults are more than twice as likely as heterosexual adults to experience a mental health condition. Transgender individuals are nearly four times more likely than cisgender individuals to experience a mental health condition, the organization said, citing studies.
Risk factors among those in the LGBTQ community, according to NAMI, include refusal to come out, trauma from homophobia and bullying, substance abuse, homelessness, and inadequate mental health care.
North was never sure what his role was in life until his partner died. As she dealt with his pain and became involved with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, he believes she found that purpose.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Even with the month drawing to a close, North said it was important to bring awareness to the topic, one he says is still considered taboo by many.
\”We just have to have that conversation,\” North said. \”It\’s okay for people to struggle. Mental health is just as important as physical health. People need to know that it\’s okay to struggle and it\’s okay to ask for help and that they won\’t be judged.\”
In the time he\’s been an advocate, North has had people that he\’s known for years, who he didn\’t realize were struggling, reach out and ask to talk, ask for help.
\”It\’s amazing,\” he said. \”I\’m glad I can be there.\”
Overall, 48,183 Americans died by suicide in 2021, the 11th leading cause of death, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. There were an estimated 1.7 million suicide attempts that year.
North is honest with those he speaks to, asking if they are considering suicide instead of stalling. Sharing his story with others also helps build a connection. When he\’s at work, North works at a gas station in Waynesboro, often wearing an American Foundation for Suicide Prevention hoodie, hoping anyone who\’s struggling will see and speak to him.
In his role as an LGBTQ ambassador North travels across the state, attending Pride events among other things, to help reach those who may need the organization.
He still misses his partner. His death changed North in many ways, including spurring him to action with his volunteer work. He also helped North realize that many of the problems he faces are not as big as he imagined. Nothing, he said, could be as bad as losing his partner to suicide.
\”I realized that I could let his death do one of two things,\” North said. \”I could go down that rabbit hole and never come out or I could fight and be a voice and do what I\’m doing.\”
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Patrick Hite is a reporter for The News Leader. Story ideas and suggestions are always welcome. Contact Patrick (him/him/his of him) at phite@newsleader.com and follow him on Twitter@Patrick_Hite. Subscribe to usatnewsleader.com.
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